Just a spoonful of passion please

Since my blog is not anonymous, I am restrained by what I can share about residency interviews.  But two words I can use to characterize the last place I interviewed with are cool and passionless.  Cool as in “chill” meet in the lobby at 8 :30 am type of chill. The stricter programs have us showing up for interviews at 6:45. Passionless as in everyone seemed to like the program but seemed not to care one way or the other if the applicants liked the program.  The program director did not speak to us even though he had time to “yell at his residents” ( his words not mine) and  the chief resident could not be bothered to sell the program to us and we( the applicants) were left to our own devices.  If you are not excited about your program why should I be? Needless to say, we (applicants) really bonded. I got to learn that the Indian education system is similar to the Nigerian educational system and the difference between medical school gunners and snipers (I have to somehow work that into the series BTW) J

The “passionless” interview got me thinking about how important it is to fight to hold on the passion you once had for your dreams. Disappointment, rejection, criticism,  delay , failure and a harsh terrain can kill passion for any dream.   Trust me I have been there. My atypical transition to residency has been a rough time for me and I almost did not want to publish my book.  Sometimes I felt the dream dying inside of me as my passion died.  But I had to go back to why I started writing and the very “specific” girl God directed me to speak to through my writing.

Self-publishing a book is much harder than I thought. It’s a lot of hard work;  it’s a lot of hustling, it’s almost like starting a small business.   I am responsible for the writing, editing, packaging, formatting my book for multiple platforms AND marketing my book. Its not easy work and I have made the decision to enjoy every grimey part of it and keep my “passion” while I am at it. While I don’t want to allow my emotions to rule over me, I really want to make sure I am enjoying what I am doing. If I am not enjoying it,   I analyze my actions and think of ways to make it better.  I made the hard decision to remove a character and release her as a novella later. She never really was connected to the other four characters and I am never quite comfortable with her story line. I tell ya even the Holy Spirit nudged me gently in my heart to remove her and modify her during the earlier days of writing the book.

But did I listen. Nope.

I was too  lazy to remove her and have to change the whole story. Plus I like her. She is very fiery and is like me in many ways. But alas I am an indie author and can do whatever I want. I will just release her and all her fiery glory in a novella.

Even in medicine I know everyone goes through the “Why did I do this to myself breakdown.”   Here, you tend to focus on the negatives of a medical career by comparing yourself to peers who are making more money than you and have more free time, gripe about the thankless social work aspect of medicine, the hierarchical hazing etc. … If you want to complain about medicine the list can be endless. These breakdowns usually come around exam studying time, step 1, night float rotations and when financial aid shows you the 150,000 or more you owe for your education.   J  During these times, I go back to why I choose medicine as a profession and hold on to the “fuzzy” help those in need feelings I had in undergrad.

The point I am trying to make is that

Passion is the fan to the flames of your destiny ( let me not swagger-jack, I think my pastor said that once) . Do everything possible to keep it alive.

Until then be B.A.D.D, bad like that